Fear and lies

    Fear. The word has a negative connotation, doesn't it? As soon as you hear it you can only think of bad things. Things that make you afraid. I'm not gonna lie, I do the same. I've realized today what some of my major fears are. I'm afraid to lose my friends, I'm afraid to lose my family, and I'm afraid to fail to save the world. This blog post won't really be like the others, this one is gonna be more from the heart than any other one ever has. So here we go.
    Today, I learned that fear is desperately important. They call the man with no fear courageous. I call him an idiot. They call the man who faces his fears to save someone crazy. I call him a hero. The lack of fear is not courage, it is stupidity. Courage is the ability to face your fear, not the lack of having fear. He who can face fear is someone I respect.
    I really don't respect myself too much. I know all my flaws (obviously) so I really don't like myself. But today...I'm kind of proud of myself. I faced my fear of losing a friend, and not just any friend..my best friend. I mean, don't get me wrong. I wasn't standing there triumphantly laughing as I quickly faced my fear. Nothing like that at all. Quite the opposite if you want to know the truth. I was near tears trying hard not to cry (my contacts kept messing up cause of it). The friend in question is my partner, Allie. We fought today for the first time. I'd been lying to her about something since I met her and I had to tell her the truth. It was really wrong of me to lie to her, especially for so long. I hope that in time she can forgive me, we've agreed to stay best friends and partners though. The point of that is..well. I'm not the bravest kid around. I'll stick up for people being bullied, and stuff, but when I'm confronted with something I fear I kinda freeze up. This one time I knew I had to tell the truth though I knew I could not only lose my best friend, but also (without her) I possibly could lose my mission to save the world. My point is, if I can do it anyone can. I'm no superman. But I will work my way up to being Reptar. That doesn't make sense to a lot of you so let me explain. In the words of Allie, Reptar (from Rugrats) was pretty much the hero, everyone looked up to him. That's what I'm going to work my way up to being. I'm gonna try to work my way up to being someone people can look up to.
    Also, you know how people always say "honesty is the best policy?" That's really true. If I had told Allie the truth from the start none of this would have ever happened. Even if it hurts someone, it's better to tell a hard truth than an easy lie. Sammy always told me that, and I really should have listened. Sammy, if there's even a tiny possibility that you can see this somehow magically, I'm sorry. I went back to the way I was for a while even though you helped me so much to change. I'll continue working at it, I promise. Speaking of Sammy, yesterday marked two weeks since she's been gone..It's still really hard to believe that she's gone, but I think I'm getting better. I have my friends, my music, and my mission. What else do I need?
    Anyway, once again, I'm begging you guys to please pass this blog along. Tomorrow's update (yes there will be one even if I have to do if from my phone) will be much deeper and philosophical. So please pass this blog along, you never know when someone may need to know that I'm here. Because I am here for you, any of you. Whether I know you in real life or not. Whether we're the best of friends or the worst of enemies, or somewhere in the middle. If you ever need me, to talk to about anything at all, I'm here. If you have suggestions for the blog, or something you'd like me to write about, I'm all ears. Email me at Gokin_kun@yahoo.com. Don't be shy people, I check my email regularly.

Live on,
Gokin